We found the way to automotive hobby happiness is to share and compromise, just as we do in all other aspects of our marriage. Sharing was kind of hard when we vintage raced; my wife was bored when I drove and during the season when she tried her hand, I was a nervous wreck! Car shows were also less than exciting for her although we still attend them on occasion as we get to visit with others about both automotive as well as non-auto stuff. After all, it's the interesting people that make up a big part of our hobby.
The answer turned out to be rallyes, where we are both integral to a successful outcome. Seems the wife is more competitive than I realized and once she mastered the Tulip book, she was in her element. TSDs, gimmick, tours, we enjoy them all. We have found that we work great as a team, knowing when to give in to the other's requests. I get the pleasure of piloting the car, and she enjoys taking charge as only the navigator can do during the heat of battle. And she gets even more excited about bringing home a trophy than I do!